* DISCLAIMER * This is a non-profit work of fan-fiction involving characters created and owned by Marvel Comics Group. * WRITTEN BY * Samy Merchi * ARCHIVED AT * http://www.utu.fi/~samerc/fanfic/index.html * STARRING * Abe 'MACH-1' Jenkins in ********** * HELMET * ********** * CONTINUITY * This story takes place between pages 18 and 19 of THUNDERBOLTS #20 *** I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. With any of it. How does Karla make it look so easy? How does she do it? How does she manage to be so strong, so sure of everything? Always so right. Except when she's not. And she's not, this time. She's been making too many mistakes. Always looks out for herself first, the team second. Things can't go on that way. She'll get us all killed if they do. Like with the Masters today. If it hadn't been for the Dreadknight, we'd be dead right now. And we were doing so well, too, before she started taking command. It doesn't work that way. She wants the glory. The control. And hell, I wouldn't mind giving her that, if she could do the job at the same time, too. She'd deserve it. She's what's kept us together, as much as Jolt -- and I don't know why she does it. She helped Erik get to us when we escaped Four Freedoms Plaza. She came back, she returned, and she stood by our side, when we all thought she'd be halfway to Rio. Why? What makes her stay? It can't be the control, can it? I mean, who would want to control us? Me, Erik, Melissa and Hallie -- heck, we aren't exactly the Avengers or the Fantastic Four... Just a bunch of ex-crooks trying to do the right thing. What's her angle? What does she want from us? Does she want to turn too? Or is she after something else? I don't have a clue. I wish I did. I wish I was like her -- I wish I knew what to do. Especially with Melissa. I just don't know what to do with her. It's like she's becoming someone else than the girl I fell in love with. She doesn't need me anymore. And she's said as much. She's saying she's getting tired of me. I haven't changed, have I? It's her who's changed. She used to need me -- to help her, teach her, do stuff for her. And man, that felt good -- being needed. She doesn't need me anymore. I just don't know. Should I let her go? If she'd been like this when Zemo rounded us up, would I ever have fallen in love with her in the first place? I don't know. Maybe I would've. Maybe I wouldn't have? Why do I love her? Do I love her? I saw the look in her eyes when she wouldn't kill the bug king. She's not as tough as she makes herself out to be. Is she? Or am I just now seeing the real Melissa? If I am, do I want any part of her? I want to go straight. I do. I want to pull off what Hawkeye's done. I want to be respected, not feared. I was, when we were pulling off the scam with Zemo. And it felt *so* good. People *liked* me. People *looked up to me*. People *admired* me. There's no greater high than that. Am I hooked? Is it like a drug? Should I be careful? Yeah, sure. I don't want to let it go to my head. I mean, under this armor, I'm no more special than anyone else. But when I've got the armor on? When I've got the armor on -- I'm someone. I'm *MACH-1*. I was a hero. I was a crook. I'm trying to be a hero. Which one will I be? The world might not let me be a hero. If anyone knows how the world can kick you in the head, it's me. I tried long enough to be a sort of a hero before I became Beetle, didn't I? I *tried* to make people notice my inventions -- they didn't. No matter how hard I tried, they just waved me off and ignored me. I figured the only way to be noticed was to show off my inventions, then. *Make* people notice them. That's how I became the Beetle. And sure enough people noticed me. They didn't ignore me anymore. But did they respect me? ...no. No, they didn't. And isn't that what I really wanted, in the end? To be respected? Not noticed, respected? And I guess that's what all of this boils down to. That's why I didn't side with Zemo in taking over the world. I want to be respected, not noticed. I don't care about being noticed. That's no big deal. Anyone can make themselves be noticed, I guess. Zemo did it. Any number of wanna-be conquerors've done it. None of 'em were liked much, I'd bet. Leading doesn't make you liked. Or respected. I'd be just as happy to be the Thunderbolts' backbone, or technician, or whatever -- just as long as they respected me. But I might have to do more than that. Karla's got to be stopped or she'll get us all killed. She's the best leader we've got in so many ways -- and the worst in so many other ways. We've got to choose another leader, if we're going to survive, especially now with the Masters after us, and maybe going to spill our location to Strucker and everyone. So who'll do the job? Erik's got the most military training. He'd really be the best leader, I suppose. Hallie's got heart, but she's too young -- and she's already breaking down under the pressure. And Melissa -- well, Melissa just isn't cut out to be a leader. Erik. It's gotta be Erik. I hope I can persuade him to take the job. The cabin's underneath. The flight hasn't helped me clear out my head any. I feel my feet touch the ground and I cut the engines offline. I look around. It's quiet. The lights are on. I bet everyone's inside. I wonder if the Dreadknight's been any trouble. The sky is pretty dark. Looks like it's going to rain. I wrinkle my nose a bit. Those are thunder clouds welling up overhead. A raindrop hits my visor, and slowly I turn my eyes to look at the cabin outside which I just landed. We've got decisions to make. I take my helmet off, and look at it quietly, like it was a face that held the answers. It looks back at me. It's the MACH-1 helmet. Not the Beetle helmet. Back in the Sinister Syndicate, me and Speed Demon were pretty much the only ones who disguised our faces. Boomerang didn't. Rhino didn't. Hydro-Man didn't. And Sanders only did because he needed goggles to protect his eyes at the high speeds. Why did I wear a helmet? Why did I design the Beetle costume to have a helmet? Why does MACH-1 have a helmet? They both conceal my face. A lot of villains don't bother to hide their faces. I did. Why? Was I ashamed of being a villain? I sure as heck am ashamed *now* of having been one. Or was it something else? Because I was... ...afraid? Not sure what I was doing? And I didn't want people to see that? I tuck the helmet away under my arm and step into the cabin. We've got decisions to make.